The Social Butterfly

I'm not so sure why I even bother to write this...maybe because I cannot sleep. Today was the day that I was to become Sharon Jones...well, that shit ain't happening!

Because he couldn't be honest with me in a number of different ways and decided that it was better to make me feel like I wasn't worth much to him, I walked away. Am I happier today for leaving? Yes I am. My self esteem is a bit shot, but otherwise I am holding my head up high and I am okay.

We are getting along now, but that's because I am being decent to him for the sake of him being around his son, but do I care to have contact with him...no.

I try to be a humble woman, I know that I have my flaws just like the next person, but I believe that I am at least semi attractive...and I have a good heart. So why do I have my moments where I feel like I am the ugliest person in the world and no one would want to be bothered with me?  He kind of made me feel that way by how he treated me and the things that he would say to me. There were days where I felt like I was dumb, I couldn't seem to keep him happy, he was always finding a reason to be mad or throw out the fact that he could easily get another woman, and so on. I mentioned one day that I was quite sure that I could find a man who would want me and appreciate me and he completely rediculed me as if he were my last hope...and sadly for a moment I think I believed him.

I know better now folks.......

I don't know why I am even putting my information out like this but I think I just need to get it off my chest. I write as a way to heal so excuse me for venting what is on my mind.

I believe now that he was only with me out of convienience. I was there to help him when he was having a bad moment and once he didn't really find any use for me he decided to show his true colors. Yeah I feel like a dumbass for staying around as long as I did, but I guess what's important is that I did leave. Its crazy how easy it is to get wrapped up in a bad relationship where you don't realize it is bad for you yet everyone around you see's it and is telling you to get the fuck out. You know, I think I understand better now how women fall for men who beat them...you end up brainwashed in a sense that you think you can change them and you fall into the relationship deeper just so that you can prove everyone around you wrong....only problem is they're not wrong....you REALLY just need to get the hell out of there. Don't be so quick to judge a woman in this kind of situation...she has to be the one to wake up in order see the problems, telling her won't save her.

So, here I am...single but happy. I'm cool with that!